3 Questions That End Arguments Positively, Says CEO

Arguments don't have to end in hurt feelings and damaged relationships. Steven Gaffney, who has spent three decades advising Fortune 500 companies on communication, says three simple questions can steer almost any disagreement toward a positive solution.

The secret isn't winning the argument. It's changing the conversation entirely.

Gaffney's first question is "What would you suggest?" Instead of pushing your own point, you invite the other person to propose their solution. This often reveals they don't have a clear alternative, or surfaces an option you can both work with.

The second question goes deeper: "What would it take for you to agree?" This helps uncover what the other person actually wants and what concerns are blocking progress. When asked repeatedly, it naturally shifts everyone toward finding answers instead of scoring points.

The final question acknowledges reality: "Can you live with it?" Not every disagreement ends with both sides getting everything they want. This question encourages honest reflection about whether a compromise is acceptable, even if it's not perfect.

If someone can't live with it, Gaffney recommends starting over with "What would you suggest?" to explore new options.

Why This Inspires

Communication professionals largely support Gaffney's approach. Joel Simon, an attorney at Simon Perdue Law Firm, says the questions "create a structured path from uncertainty to clarity and action" by redirecting dialogue from blame toward collaboration.

However, experts note that delivery matters enormously. Dallin Cooper, a workplace culture expert, warns that asking "Can you just live with it?" in an exasperated tone can backfire. The words work best when asked with genuine curiosity rather than frustration.

Jennifer Martin, a business consultant with 25 years of experience, adds that not everyone responds to the same communication style. Some people appreciate direct questions, while others need more finesse and emotional space to feel heard.

The common thread among all the experts? These questions work because they shift focus from winning to understanding. They give people ownership of the solution instead of making them defend a position.

Whether you're negotiating a business deal or resolving a kitchen table disagreement, asking what someone wants and whether they can accept a compromise beats arguing every time.