Death Doula Teaches America How to Talk About Grief

When Joyal Mulheron lost her 5-month-old daughter Eleonora in 2010, she could barely get out of bed. But as she slowly rebuilt her life around two elementary-aged children, she realized something stunning: America treats grief like a private burden instead of a shared human experience.

Now Mulheron is revolutionizing how we talk about loss. She founded the nonprofit Evermore to tackle what she calls an "invisible public health crisis."

The numbers tell a sobering story. Most American employers offer just one to five days of bereavement leave. That's barely enough time to plan a funeral, let alone process the loss of someone you love.

The consequences ripple far beyond missed work days. Between 80 and 90% of incarcerated youth experienced a death event just before being locked up, Mulheron discovered. "We are incarcerating grieving children in America," she told PBS.

Mulheron now makes annual trips to Capitol Hill, pushing for longer bereavement leave and better support systems. She's brought her advocacy to colleges and workplaces across the country, creating a grassroots movement around something everyone will eventually face.

She's not alone in this mission. Meredith Wilson Parfet became a death doula and hospice chaplain after her 23-year-old sister died from an accidental overdose. Through her crisis management firm, she helps companies understand that grief doesn't clock out at 5 p.m.

"Our brains don't know the difference between grief at work and grief at home," Parfet explained in a TED Talk. "It's all grief."

Their work echoes what actor Andrew Garfield told Elmo on Sesame Street last year about missing his late mother. "When I miss her, I remember it's because she made me so happy," he said. "So I can celebrate her and miss her at the same time."

Why This Inspires

Unlike many cultures that treat death as a communal experience, Americans often expect people to "move on" quickly. But Mulheron and Parfet are proving that acknowledging grief doesn't make us weak. It makes us human.

Their message to anyone grieving is simple but powerful: "You're not alone. You and your person that you lost, they matter. They matter terrifically."

Together, they're building a country where that's not just kind words but national policy.