Divorce Lawyer's 4 Tips Help Friends Support Each Other

When someone you care about is going through a divorce, most of us want to help but have no idea what to say or do. Divorce lawyer James Sexton has spent years watching well-meaning friends accidentally make things worse.

During a recent podcast with Mel Robbins, Sexton shared four specific ways to support someone through divorce. These aren't vague platitudes but concrete actions anyone can take today.

First, meet them where they're at. "Stop being useful the way that you want to be useful," Sexton explains. Too often, we bring our own baggage to someone else's crisis, projecting what we think they need based on our own experiences or feelings.

Instead, ask what they actually need right now. Listen without inserting your own divorce story, relationship frustrations, or assumptions about how they should feel.

Second, offer a menu of options. Sexton suggests telling your friend you're coming over, then giving them specific choices. Do they want to talk about the divorce, hear funny work stories, cry together, or just laugh?

The key is letting them choose and giving them permission to change their mind. What feels right at the start of a visit might shift halfway through.

Third, acknowledge that words often fall short. Sexton tells grieving friends: "I wish I knew the perfect thing to say because I would say it right now." That simple admission does something powerful. It says "I love you and it hurts that you're hurting" without pretending to have all the answers.

Finally, ask to do something specific. Instead of "let me know if you need anything," Sexton suggests offering concrete help. Mow their lawn. Take the kids to Legoland for the day. Cook them dinner.

Then frame it as a favor to you, not them. "I feel out of control in this, and you're hurting, and I love you. So could you do me the favor of letting me do something for you?" This approach helps friends accept help without feeling like a burden.

Why This Inspires

Divorce ranks as the second most stressful life event on the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, just behind losing a spouse. Yet most of us receive zero training on how to support friends through it.

Sexton's advice works because it's honest about our limitations while still offering genuine connection. We don't need perfect words or grand gestures. We just need to show up, listen, and offer specific help that meets people exactly where they are.

These four tips transform helplessness into action. They give us a roadmap for being the friend someone needs during one of life's hardest chapters.