Grandparents Key to Kids' Mental Health, Psychologist Says

A Cornell psychologist believes grandparents could help reverse America's youth mental health crisis, one conversation at a time.

Dr. Kenneth Barish has spent 40 years working with families in clinical settings. He says the decline of extended family involvement has contributed directly to rising rates of teen depression and anxiety.

"We did not evolve to raise children with as little extended family and community support as most American parents have now," says Barish, who teaches at Weill Cornell Medicine. "Children need grandparents, and they always have."

His new book draws on neuroscience and child development research to show how grandparents provide what he calls "molecules of emotional health." These are small but powerful moments of encouragement, attention, and understanding that strengthen kids' emotional immune systems.

The research backs him up. Studies show that helping others increases self-esteem, lowers depression rates, improves immune function, and even extends life expectancy. When grandparents model kindness and create opportunities for kids to help others, they're building emotional armor against anxiety and stress.

Barish says American culture has shifted from "We" to "I" over recent decades. The intense focus on individual achievement has created fragile motivation systems in children, driving up rates of anxiety and depression, especially in affluent communities.

Grandparents can counter this trend simply by listening without judgment. They can show genuine enthusiasm for grandchildren's interests, play together, and have regular conversations about kindness and empathy starting when kids are young.

"A child's confident expectation that someone will listen and understand is the best protection against the emotional pathogens they will experience throughout their childhood," Barish explains.

He warns against one common mistake: too much criticism. Well-meaning family members often don't realize that frequent criticism breeds resentment and actually undermines children's effort and initiative. Instead, he recommends praising effort and learning rather than innate ability or grades.

The Ripple Effect

When grandparents step into more active roles, entire family systems grow stronger. Parents get much-needed support while children gain another trusted adult who helps them feel less alone. Kids learn that problems can be solved, relationships can be repaired, and bad feelings don't last forever.

These lessons create emotional resilience that extends far beyond childhood. The investment of time today builds confidence and purpose that children carry into adulthood, potentially breaking cycles of anxiety and creating healthier future generations.

Barish's message is ultimately simple: helping children thrive depends less on teaching specific skills and more on fostering emotional strength through meaningful relationships. Grandparents are uniquely positioned to provide exactly that.