Japanese Parenting Method Teaches Kids Through Modeling

What if you could stop most tantrums before they even started? That's the promise behind a Japanese parenting approach that's captivating nearly one million viewers online.

Pediatric occupational therapist Emma Hubbard recently shared a video explaining "Shitsuke," a Japanese concept that translates to "discipline" but means something entirely different from Western punishment. Instead of reacting to bad behavior, parents get ahead of it by actively teaching the skills kids need to succeed.

The method centers on modeling rather than scolding. If you want calm children, you must be calm yourself, especially when frustrated. If you want respectful kids, you need to show them what respect looks like in action every single day.

Consistency matters just as much as modeling. Hubbard explains that children feel anxious without clear rules and predictable routines, comparing it to showing up at work without knowing when meetings start or what your job actually is.

Research backs this up. Psychology researcher Jenalee Doom notes that children's brains love predictability and find chaos highly stressful. Regular bedtimes and family meals create the security kids need to thrive.

The real magic happens in how parents reframe mistakes. Instead of labeling behavior as "naughty," Shitsuke encourages parents to ask: "What skill does my child need to learn here?" This transforms every meltdown into a teaching moment.

When a child screams, the question isn't how to punish them. It's whether they know how to express frustration with words yet. When they grab toys from friends, the focus shifts to teaching sharing skills they haven't mastered.

Why This Inspires

Comments on Hubbard's video reveal how powerful this shift can be. One teacher confirmed that rules don't make children unhappy but actually bring them comfort and security. Another viewer, who grew up in Japan, described how every adult in the community acknowledged polite behavior, making kindness feel rewarding and special.

Parents are also discovering the power of positive language. Saying "please remember" works better than "don't forget." Telling kids "pet the kitty gently" beats "don't pull the tail." These small word changes guide children toward what you want them to do instead of leaving them guessing.

The beauty of Shitsuke is that it respects children as learners who need instruction, not punishment. It acknowledges that good behavior is a skill that must be taught, practiced, and reinforced over time.

This approach works because it changes the parent's mindset first. When adults stop viewing misbehavior as defiance and start seeing it as a learning gap, frustration transforms into patience and lectures become lessons.