Mom Learns to Share Care After Son Moves to Own Home

When Dimity Knight's son Stuart moved into his own home at 27, she faced a challenge many caregivers know well: learning to let go without letting down.

Stuart, who is autistic and non-verbal, had lived with his family his entire life. Like many young adults, he craved independence and wanted more control over his daily routines.

For two years now, Stuart has thrived in his purpose-built house with round-the-clock support. But Dimity's role didn't simply end when he moved out.

The 67-year-old still recruits and trains support workers, oversees Stuart's care program, and advocates for his needs. She describes it as an invisible load that remains heavy, even when shared.

"It's the hardest thing to do, to share that load," Dimity says. "To trust another person to take on that responsibility."

So she's creating a detailed working document that outlines everything she does as Stuart's mother and advocate. She's building a circle of support that includes siblings, extended family, and disability support workers who can share caring responsibilities.

Her running joke captures the urgency: "If I end up under a bus, would you be willing to take on this role?" While she covers everything now, she knows multiple people will eventually need to step in.

The planning became even more critical after Dimity experienced a stress-related medical event before Stuart's move. She realized she needed to work toward becoming somewhat redundant in his life, in a positive way.

Sunny's Take

The transformation in their relationship surprised them both. When Stuart lived at home, the daily challenges sometimes dimmed their affection for each other. Dimity remembers one night having a big cry about losing Stuart from her home.

But distance brought them closer. Now when he visits, Stuart sits next to his mother and holds her hand. He puts his head on her shoulder, touches her cheek, and cuddles her.

"I've always been devoted to him," Dimity says. But relieving both of them of the constant intensity has been such a gift.

Her advice to other carers reflects hard-won wisdom. She's learning to negotiate with support agencies, expanding what they're willing to share. She's stopped being the boss and started being part of a team, learning together the best ways to support Stuart.

Dimity also cares for grandchildren three half-days a week. It's busy, but she's found peace in her evolving role.

Stuart continues to pursue his passions: cooking, crafting, and creating things. He's perfectionistic and focused, teaching himself to knit just by watching his mother. His determination and unique personality shine brighter now that he has the independence he sought.

For Dimity, sharing the caring load means Stuart gets the life he deserves, and she gets her son back in a whole new way.