Professor Finds Love After Embracing Her 'Auntie' Self

A university professor's decision to stop pretending on dating apps led her straight to love after 18 months of honest searching.

Shzr Ee Tan, vice-dean at Royal Holloway University of London, had just returned from a bruising experience at Shanghai's marriage market where anxious parents deemed her too old and overqualified for their children. Back in London, she faced the same dating apps that hadn't changed in nine months, but she had.

Instead of crafting the perfect profile to look forever young and sophisticated, Tan made a radical choice. She described herself as "dumpling-shaped" and proudly proclaimed her "auntieness," waiting to see who would appreciate the real her.

The gamble paid off when she matched with someone who understood feeling like an outsider. Her now-partner, whom she affectionately calls "a Jewish uncle," got her particular brand of Chinese auntieness precisely because he knew what it meant to be different in Britain.

Their first conversation featured dad jokes and a mutual "here we go again" exhaustion with endless online flirting. They quickly agreed to just meet for food instead.

Sunny's Take

Their first date brought a sweet mishap when he thought she was American, fooled by her California accent from watching too many 1990s sitcoms. She'd developed the twang to navigate Britain's class-obsessed accent culture without choosing sides. They now joke that he could see past skin color but not a cleverly hidden Singlish accent.

What makes their connection work isn't perfection or carefully curated profiles. Tan says they enjoy "discovering a version of ourselves in each other, and new things and new ways of being."

Her journey from Shanghai's rejection to London's acceptance proves that the right person won't need you to be younger, thinner, or more impressive. Sometimes love arrives exactly when you stop performing and start being yourself, dumplings and all.