Teacher's Vase Lesson Helps Students Understand Grief

When Ryan Brazil's sister died unexpectedly, the fourth grade teacher knew she couldn't hide her grief from her students. Instead, she turned her pain into one of the most powerful lessons her class had ever experienced.

After reading "A Kids Book About Grief" together, Brazil pulled out an empty vase. She told her students the vase represented her brain and heart, normally filled with space for patience, focus, and calm.

Then she showed them colorful pom poms representing daily challenges like noise, questions, and mistakes. The vase had plenty of room for these normal stressors.

But grief changes everything. Brazil placed a crumpled piece of black construction paper inside the vase, showing how much space grief occupies. Suddenly, those same colorful pom poms filled the vase faster, leaving less room for everything else.

"It can make you more tired, less patient, and quicker to feel overwhelmed," Brazil explained in a video that has since touched thousands online. She wanted her students to understand that if she seemed off lately, it wasn't about them.

What happened next surprised even Brazil. More than half her class started crying, sharing their own stories of loss. Some losses were recent, others happened before they were born, but the pain was still real.

"There was this release of emotions that felt like they were probably holding on to those feelings for a long time," Brazil told Upworthy. "We really rallied around each other."

Sunny's Take

This simple demonstration did something remarkable. It gave children permission to feel their grief instead of hiding it.

Grief experts say Brazil's approach models exactly what kids need. Angie Hanson, a certified grief coach, explains that children don't need adults to be perfect. They need space to feel and understand that all feelings are welcome.

Jessica Correnti, a Certified Child Life Specialist, recommends using concrete words like "died" instead of "passed away" or "lost," which can confuse young children. Brazil's visual demonstration gave students a tangible way to understand an abstract concept.

The lesson helped Brazil heal too. "I felt understood in that moment and part of a community," she said.

Her message to other educators is clear: don't hide your humanity from students. "They don't need us to be perfect," Brazil said. "We all learned that grief isn't something to hide. It's something we can learn to hold onto together."